a month later, give or take....

i am awful at updating these. purely awful.

my last month in recap:

- school is crazy. i am fighting so hard to keep my motivation for the semester....we'll find out when it's all said and done if i succeed at keeping up my "drive". i haven't really cared much for this semester in general, and i'm just very very antsy to be done. it doesn't help much that my schedule is JAM PACKED for the next few weeks leading up to dead week, but none the less i'm just really really really ready to have it over with.

-IPFW Student Housing apparently likes me, and they have asked me back to be an RA next year. i wasn't too blown away at this fact, because the only people who didn't get asked back were those who didn't re-apply. but, none the less, i'm accepting, so i'll be at this whole RA business for at least one more year.

-yes, the rumors are true. there's this boy. and he's pretty great :). we're not official, but we are "dating",and i know, i know....my very last post was all about how content i am being single, and i could do an entire few page length blog on this very topic, but the very long story short, is that from most angles, this looks like a pretty good thing. and for the first time in quite some time i'm doing something that is not "rational" when it comes to relationships.(okay, that's not how i intended for that to come out. i'm guarding my heart and yeah, it scares me. but ya know, you only really live once. and the worst thing that happen is that it doesn't work out. we have both thouroughly covered the fact that i'm not looking for anything remotely close to serious, and neither is he, so it works. and frankly, i'm pretty excited about it :)

this is amazingly lame, shallow, and brief. i promise an Easter blog asap.

365 days

A year. A whole entire year.
For starters, and the one truth that rings clear on even the hardest days, is that my God is faithful, and that through it all, He hasn't left me alone. Ever. Not for one single second, not for any given step.

It's amazing how much a person can change in a year. Granted, this year has been one of the toughest years i can remember, but the outcome, where I stand at this point, is breathtaking. And my very favorite part is that I can't take a single ounce of it and claim it for my own. Every stitch, every scab, every time a wound has been torn open again, and every time it's grown shut has been a direct effect of the hand of God. And i wouldn't have it any other way.

I've been single for a year as of Wednesday, and it's probably one of the greatest things that's ever happened to me. Not in the "i don't need anybody, he was no good anyway" mentality, but i can very readily say that it has completely shaped my faith. No, it wasn't comfortable nor would I wish some of what I went through on my very worst enemy. But it has almost entirely made me who I am in Christ today.

I should also mention that I'm still healing. And still growing. There are things that I still battle with, and am constantly fighting; but my battle has already been won by the One who knows me best and conquered the depths of Hell and despair to capture my heart. Relationships frustrate me, especially those with the opposite gender, but so very slowly I'm learning to leave them at the foot of the cross to the One who holds my future anyway. And as I learn to lay them down, things begin to look a lot less like scars and more like character.

So for now, I will continue to dance. I will continue to follow my Leader down this path that sometimes has the most glorious scenery, and sometimes one that I can't see where my foot is going to be in the very next step. I'll put my heart out there, and I'll probably get it handed back to me a couple times again before it's all said and done. But it will be Held all the while, and there is absolutely nothing that can shake that. For I will not be moved.

There is NO shadow of turning with Thee...

a random tangent before i begin:
i really hate being in limbo. let me explain. if in the event i call a person AND i facebook them about doing something on a particular day that i know we are both not doing anything, and i specifically say things like "let me know" and /or "call me back", and they don't....that kind of limbo. the least you could do is let me know that you are occupied for the time and we aren't going to be able to do anything. because i really hate not knowing these things.
thanks.

now on to what i really wanted to write about.

i do not understand things that do not change. i'm not sure that any of us do, really. because if you think about it, in some way, shape or form absolutely everything in our lives changes; whether it's noticeable or not. i've talked about this with a few people, but God has really been inforcing to me, in a couple different ways, how much He doesn't change. and that is something that i wrestle with. i don't understand permenance, especially in the relationship area. but the idea of a God who loves me the same way He did at the beginning of time, and the same way He will at the very end of time is an issue that i must constantly remind myself of.
very often i find my reliance on God something that teeters, because in a sub-concious way, i'm wating on Him to change, when He's promised that He won't...

how incredibly lost i'd be without that Firm Foundation in my life. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" (James 1:17)

"Great is Thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be
...All I have needed, Thy hand has provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me."

tell me what you know

i'm going to do my very best to describe life in the briefest way possible.and no,brevity is not a gift of mine :)

classes are overwhelming. when i think about it too much. these next few weeks are going to be pretty intense; music therapy test and my first lab practical on thursday, nutrition test on monday (which just so happens to be my birthday...thanks, ipfw. thanks.), and a biology lecture exam the next morning. any one of those things in a given week would be more than enough to keep my free time non-existant. but no, we're going to put them all within 5 days of each other. as soon as i get through this, it will be fine, but until then, i reserve the right to spaz out.

i'm on duty this weekend. that means no leaving. which is fine, because i have a buuuuunch of stuff that i need to get through before monday comes.

i have been doing awful with my quiet time this week; which probably has a lot to do with my current "overwhelmed" state. i really think i take it for granted, at least the effect that it has on my days, because i can definately tell when i haven't had it.

this is a lot of random this and that- my mind is kind of all over the place tonight.
monday i have my reapplication presentation for my RA position, and i definately need to be putting that bad boy together right now, but this sounded like waaaaay more fun. i'm such a procrastinator :)

there's been a slightly negative tone to this post. time for a list of happy things:
-i got paid tonight. that's always nice :)
-kayla got a job!! she has a classroom and i'm thrilled for her
-7 days from now i'll be home for my birthday weekend :)
-i had a wonderful lunch on thursday.... :) certain people in this world cause me to smile a bit bigger than others...
-i wore sunglasses today. i love sunglasses.
-tonight, my roommate shared a cookie. it had sprinkles :)