"Be joyful always;"-1 Thes.5:16....that just about sums it up, huh? Quick and to the point. But to really look at the words in that verse, and to take them to heart can honestly wreck your life.
Joyful-I've been thinking a lot lately about how joyful I am; not just happy, or content, or abiding, but truly joyful. I get frustrated easily sometimes, whether I show it or not, and it's quite simple for me to complain about anything and everything. Whether it's a bad day, something that I simply don't want to do, a dry spell in my walk with Christ, or even plans that haven't gone my way, I am pretty quick to be tempted to develop a sour attitude about it. Not what I'm commanded to do here at all.
This word goes so much more beyond even being happy. People who know me would probably say that most of the time I'm a pretty happy go lucky kind of person. But what a difference there is between the levels of happiness and joyfulness. What if we were joyful about life instead of just "happy" or "content" even, with the way things were?
Always- What a difficult word for me to get a grip on...always. Not sometimes, or when I feel like it, or when it's easiest, but ALWAYS. Never missing a moment. ...wow... it's a stretch for me to be happy always, let alone to the level of JOY?
...This is a lot to chew on for me...
In other news, I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. Espeically marraige. Now before you get a little hung up on that word, let me explain. This has nothing to do with the fact that I am indeed in a relationship, and we are far far far from ever dropping the "m" word, if it even ever gets to that point. Again, let me elaborate...
This weekend, I went to a beautiful wedding of one of my very dearest high school friends who is now, infact, a missionary to China/North Korea. She met her husband while she was there, who was doind missions work there as well. Their wedding was one of the most simple, yet God glorifying weddings that I will probably ever attend. I knew that I was going to emotionally be wrapped up in it from the very beginning, when Don (the bride's dad) gave Josh(the groom) his daughter's purity ring, and told him that he gave it to him as a reminder of her emotional, physical, and spiritual purity. The foot washing ceremony, the couple's communion, even their vows, reflected their desire and passion for the heart of Christ...it was breaktaking.
The day before, my boyfriend told me that his brother and sister-in-law were looking into divorce details, and my heart broke. If there's one thing that I absloutley hate with a Godly fire, it's divorce. Marraige is forever, plain and simple. Vows are not meant to be broken, that's what makes them a vow. Divroce will NEVER be an option for my future husband and I. This is not to dog on my boyfriend's brother or speak ill of him, but when he told me this, my stomach literally sank. They have two small children that I quite enjoy being around, 3 and 2, and if nothing else, I wanted to weep for them. As my week has gone on, I've heard of more relationships being built, being broken, and being renewed. I'm not sure if it's in the water, but it seems like every time I log on to Facebook, someone is either putting up wedding pictures or getting engagged or breaking up. My pastor here is doing a series on the family...maybe that's why I've noticed it more? I don't know... either way, it's so amazingly sacred, and so amazingly under attack.
This is kind of all over the place, I guess that's what you get for not blogging for over a month, huh? :) But that's what's been on my heart...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Love a little more, cause everybody's broken...
So lay down the sword
and put away the dark
love a little more, love a little more
cause everybody's broken....
As I was studying for finals, this song, "Real to Me "by Nichole Nordeman came across my iTunes, and for whatever reason this portion of the song really stuck out to me. So much so that I jotted it down on a post-it and stuck it next to my sink in my bathroom:) But the more I thought about it, the more i realized it presented itself as a pretty decent blog post. (That, and I never did get that Easter post I promised done...go figure.)
I am self-centered. My focus so often falls on myself and I have a hard time sometimes remebering that other people have lives, too, and the world doesn't so much revolve around myself. I heard it said once to "Be careful who you are mean to-everyone is fighting their own battle you know nothing about". This is a song I've been familiar with for quite some time, but this blip really got me to thinking about how often i forget that eveyone really is fighting their own battels and struggle. So who am I, when I'm having an "off" day, to lash out or be short with or even neglect the feelings of another person, when whatever they are facing is just as real and insurmountable to them, as my issues are to me?
I love the mindset Brandon Heath, who I could very easily marry by the way:), asks for in his song "Give Me Your Eyes"(hence the title of my blog) :). What would life be like if we saw others more often the way that Christ sees them? To boldly approach the Throne and ask to "give me YOUR eyes, for just one second" How different would my life be? My reltationships? My view of the world as a whole?
Give me Your eyes for just one second, give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I've been missing...give me Your love for humanity..."
Amen.
and put away the dark
love a little more, love a little more
cause everybody's broken....
As I was studying for finals, this song, "Real to Me "by Nichole Nordeman came across my iTunes, and for whatever reason this portion of the song really stuck out to me. So much so that I jotted it down on a post-it and stuck it next to my sink in my bathroom:) But the more I thought about it, the more i realized it presented itself as a pretty decent blog post. (That, and I never did get that Easter post I promised done...go figure.)
I am self-centered. My focus so often falls on myself and I have a hard time sometimes remebering that other people have lives, too, and the world doesn't so much revolve around myself. I heard it said once to "Be careful who you are mean to-everyone is fighting their own battle you know nothing about". This is a song I've been familiar with for quite some time, but this blip really got me to thinking about how often i forget that eveyone really is fighting their own battels and struggle. So who am I, when I'm having an "off" day, to lash out or be short with or even neglect the feelings of another person, when whatever they are facing is just as real and insurmountable to them, as my issues are to me?
I love the mindset Brandon Heath, who I could very easily marry by the way:), asks for in his song "Give Me Your Eyes"(hence the title of my blog) :). What would life be like if we saw others more often the way that Christ sees them? To boldly approach the Throne and ask to "give me YOUR eyes, for just one second" How different would my life be? My reltationships? My view of the world as a whole?
Give me Your eyes for just one second, give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I've been missing...give me Your love for humanity..."
Amen.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
a month later, give or take....
i am awful at updating these. purely awful.
my last month in recap:
- school is crazy. i am fighting so hard to keep my motivation for the semester....we'll find out when it's all said and done if i succeed at keeping up my "drive". i haven't really cared much for this semester in general, and i'm just very very antsy to be done. it doesn't help much that my schedule is JAM PACKED for the next few weeks leading up to dead week, but none the less i'm just really really really ready to have it over with.
-IPFW Student Housing apparently likes me, and they have asked me back to be an RA next year. i wasn't too blown away at this fact, because the only people who didn't get asked back were those who didn't re-apply. but, none the less, i'm accepting, so i'll be at this whole RA business for at least one more year.
-yes, the rumors are true. there's this boy. and he's pretty great :). we're not official, but we are "dating",and i know, i know....my very last post was all about how content i am being single, and i could do an entire few page length blog on this very topic, but the very long story short, is that from most angles, this looks like a pretty good thing. and for the first time in quite some time i'm doing something that is not "rational" when it comes to relationships.(okay, that's not how i intended for that to come out. i'm guarding my heart and yeah, it scares me. but ya know, you only really live once. and the worst thing that happen is that it doesn't work out. we have both thouroughly covered the fact that i'm not looking for anything remotely close to serious, and neither is he, so it works. and frankly, i'm pretty excited about it :)
this is amazingly lame, shallow, and brief. i promise an Easter blog asap.
my last month in recap:
- school is crazy. i am fighting so hard to keep my motivation for the semester....we'll find out when it's all said and done if i succeed at keeping up my "drive". i haven't really cared much for this semester in general, and i'm just very very antsy to be done. it doesn't help much that my schedule is JAM PACKED for the next few weeks leading up to dead week, but none the less i'm just really really really ready to have it over with.
-IPFW Student Housing apparently likes me, and they have asked me back to be an RA next year. i wasn't too blown away at this fact, because the only people who didn't get asked back were those who didn't re-apply. but, none the less, i'm accepting, so i'll be at this whole RA business for at least one more year.
-yes, the rumors are true. there's this boy. and he's pretty great :). we're not official, but we are "dating",and i know, i know....my very last post was all about how content i am being single, and i could do an entire few page length blog on this very topic, but the very long story short, is that from most angles, this looks like a pretty good thing. and for the first time in quite some time i'm doing something that is not "rational" when it comes to relationships.(okay, that's not how i intended for that to come out. i'm guarding my heart and yeah, it scares me. but ya know, you only really live once. and the worst thing that happen is that it doesn't work out. we have both thouroughly covered the fact that i'm not looking for anything remotely close to serious, and neither is he, so it works. and frankly, i'm pretty excited about it :)
this is amazingly lame, shallow, and brief. i promise an Easter blog asap.
Friday, March 13, 2009
365 days
A year. A whole entire year.
For starters, and the one truth that rings clear on even the hardest days, is that my God is faithful, and that through it all, He hasn't left me alone. Ever. Not for one single second, not for any given step.
It's amazing how much a person can change in a year. Granted, this year has been one of the toughest years i can remember, but the outcome, where I stand at this point, is breathtaking. And my very favorite part is that I can't take a single ounce of it and claim it for my own. Every stitch, every scab, every time a wound has been torn open again, and every time it's grown shut has been a direct effect of the hand of God. And i wouldn't have it any other way.
I've been single for a year as of Wednesday, and it's probably one of the greatest things that's ever happened to me. Not in the "i don't need anybody, he was no good anyway" mentality, but i can very readily say that it has completely shaped my faith. No, it wasn't comfortable nor would I wish some of what I went through on my very worst enemy. But it has almost entirely made me who I am in Christ today.
I should also mention that I'm still healing. And still growing. There are things that I still battle with, and am constantly fighting; but my battle has already been won by the One who knows me best and conquered the depths of Hell and despair to capture my heart. Relationships frustrate me, especially those with the opposite gender, but so very slowly I'm learning to leave them at the foot of the cross to the One who holds my future anyway. And as I learn to lay them down, things begin to look a lot less like scars and more like character.
So for now, I will continue to dance. I will continue to follow my Leader down this path that sometimes has the most glorious scenery, and sometimes one that I can't see where my foot is going to be in the very next step. I'll put my heart out there, and I'll probably get it handed back to me a couple times again before it's all said and done. But it will be Held all the while, and there is absolutely nothing that can shake that. For I will not be moved.
For starters, and the one truth that rings clear on even the hardest days, is that my God is faithful, and that through it all, He hasn't left me alone. Ever. Not for one single second, not for any given step.
It's amazing how much a person can change in a year. Granted, this year has been one of the toughest years i can remember, but the outcome, where I stand at this point, is breathtaking. And my very favorite part is that I can't take a single ounce of it and claim it for my own. Every stitch, every scab, every time a wound has been torn open again, and every time it's grown shut has been a direct effect of the hand of God. And i wouldn't have it any other way.
I've been single for a year as of Wednesday, and it's probably one of the greatest things that's ever happened to me. Not in the "i don't need anybody, he was no good anyway" mentality, but i can very readily say that it has completely shaped my faith. No, it wasn't comfortable nor would I wish some of what I went through on my very worst enemy. But it has almost entirely made me who I am in Christ today.
I should also mention that I'm still healing. And still growing. There are things that I still battle with, and am constantly fighting; but my battle has already been won by the One who knows me best and conquered the depths of Hell and despair to capture my heart. Relationships frustrate me, especially those with the opposite gender, but so very slowly I'm learning to leave them at the foot of the cross to the One who holds my future anyway. And as I learn to lay them down, things begin to look a lot less like scars and more like character.
So for now, I will continue to dance. I will continue to follow my Leader down this path that sometimes has the most glorious scenery, and sometimes one that I can't see where my foot is going to be in the very next step. I'll put my heart out there, and I'll probably get it handed back to me a couple times again before it's all said and done. But it will be Held all the while, and there is absolutely nothing that can shake that. For I will not be moved.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
There is NO shadow of turning with Thee...
a random tangent before i begin:
i really hate being in limbo. let me explain. if in the event i call a person AND i facebook them about doing something on a particular day that i know we are both not doing anything, and i specifically say things like "let me know" and /or "call me back", and they don't....that kind of limbo. the least you could do is let me know that you are occupied for the time and we aren't going to be able to do anything. because i really hate not knowing these things.
thanks.
now on to what i really wanted to write about.
i do not understand things that do not change. i'm not sure that any of us do, really. because if you think about it, in some way, shape or form absolutely everything in our lives changes; whether it's noticeable or not. i've talked about this with a few people, but God has really been inforcing to me, in a couple different ways, how much He doesn't change. and that is something that i wrestle with. i don't understand permenance, especially in the relationship area. but the idea of a God who loves me the same way He did at the beginning of time, and the same way He will at the very end of time is an issue that i must constantly remind myself of.
very often i find my reliance on God something that teeters, because in a sub-concious way, i'm wating on Him to change, when He's promised that He won't...
how incredibly lost i'd be without that Firm Foundation in my life. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" (James 1:17)
"Great is Thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be
...All I have needed, Thy hand has provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me."
i really hate being in limbo. let me explain. if in the event i call a person AND i facebook them about doing something on a particular day that i know we are both not doing anything, and i specifically say things like "let me know" and /or "call me back", and they don't....that kind of limbo. the least you could do is let me know that you are occupied for the time and we aren't going to be able to do anything. because i really hate not knowing these things.
thanks.
now on to what i really wanted to write about.
i do not understand things that do not change. i'm not sure that any of us do, really. because if you think about it, in some way, shape or form absolutely everything in our lives changes; whether it's noticeable or not. i've talked about this with a few people, but God has really been inforcing to me, in a couple different ways, how much He doesn't change. and that is something that i wrestle with. i don't understand permenance, especially in the relationship area. but the idea of a God who loves me the same way He did at the beginning of time, and the same way He will at the very end of time is an issue that i must constantly remind myself of.
very often i find my reliance on God something that teeters, because in a sub-concious way, i'm wating on Him to change, when He's promised that He won't...
how incredibly lost i'd be without that Firm Foundation in my life. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" (James 1:17)
"Great is Thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be
...All I have needed, Thy hand has provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me."
Friday, February 20, 2009
tell me what you know
i'm going to do my very best to describe life in the briefest way possible.and no,brevity is not a gift of mine :)
classes are overwhelming. when i think about it too much. these next few weeks are going to be pretty intense; music therapy test and my first lab practical on thursday, nutrition test on monday (which just so happens to be my birthday...thanks, ipfw. thanks.), and a biology lecture exam the next morning. any one of those things in a given week would be more than enough to keep my free time non-existant. but no, we're going to put them all within 5 days of each other. as soon as i get through this, it will be fine, but until then, i reserve the right to spaz out.
i'm on duty this weekend. that means no leaving. which is fine, because i have a buuuuunch of stuff that i need to get through before monday comes.
i have been doing awful with my quiet time this week; which probably has a lot to do with my current "overwhelmed" state. i really think i take it for granted, at least the effect that it has on my days, because i can definately tell when i haven't had it.
this is a lot of random this and that- my mind is kind of all over the place tonight.
monday i have my reapplication presentation for my RA position, and i definately need to be putting that bad boy together right now, but this sounded like waaaaay more fun. i'm such a procrastinator :)
there's been a slightly negative tone to this post. time for a list of happy things:
-i got paid tonight. that's always nice :)
-kayla got a job!! she has a classroom and i'm thrilled for her
-7 days from now i'll be home for my birthday weekend :)
-i had a wonderful lunch on thursday.... :) certain people in this world cause me to smile a bit bigger than others...
-i wore sunglasses today. i love sunglasses.
-tonight, my roommate shared a cookie. it had sprinkles :)
classes are overwhelming. when i think about it too much. these next few weeks are going to be pretty intense; music therapy test and my first lab practical on thursday, nutrition test on monday (which just so happens to be my birthday...thanks, ipfw. thanks.), and a biology lecture exam the next morning. any one of those things in a given week would be more than enough to keep my free time non-existant. but no, we're going to put them all within 5 days of each other. as soon as i get through this, it will be fine, but until then, i reserve the right to spaz out.
i'm on duty this weekend. that means no leaving. which is fine, because i have a buuuuunch of stuff that i need to get through before monday comes.
i have been doing awful with my quiet time this week; which probably has a lot to do with my current "overwhelmed" state. i really think i take it for granted, at least the effect that it has on my days, because i can definately tell when i haven't had it.
this is a lot of random this and that- my mind is kind of all over the place tonight.
monday i have my reapplication presentation for my RA position, and i definately need to be putting that bad boy together right now, but this sounded like waaaaay more fun. i'm such a procrastinator :)
there's been a slightly negative tone to this post. time for a list of happy things:
-i got paid tonight. that's always nice :)
-kayla got a job!! she has a classroom and i'm thrilled for her
-7 days from now i'll be home for my birthday weekend :)
-i had a wonderful lunch on thursday.... :) certain people in this world cause me to smile a bit bigger than others...
-i wore sunglasses today. i love sunglasses.
-tonight, my roommate shared a cookie. it had sprinkles :)
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